//
//this is a java port of this: http://www.freebsdsoftware.org/games/sex.html
//original author is unknown ported by
//mk
//requires java 1.5
//
import java.util.ArrayList;
import java.util.Arrays;
import java.util.Random;
public class Sex {
private String faster[] = {
""Let the games begin!"", ""Sweet Jesus!"",
""Not that!"", ""At last!"",
""Land o' Goshen!"", ""Is that all?"",
""Cheese it, the cops!"", ""I never dreamed it could be"",
""If I do, you won't respect me!"", ""Now!"",
""Open sesame!"", ""EMR!"",
""Again!"", ""Faster!"",
""Harder!"", ""Help!"",
""Fuck me harder!"", ""Is it in yet?"",
""You aren't my father!"", ""Doctor, that's not *my* shou"",
""No, no, do the goldfish!"", ""Holy Batmobile, Batman!"",
""He's dead, he's dead!"", ""Take me, Robert!"",
""I'm a Republican!"", ""Put four fingers in!"",
""What a lover!"", ""Talk dirty, you pig!"",
""The ceiling needs painting,"", ""Suck harder!"",
""The animals will hear!"", ""Not in public!"",
};
private String said[] = {
"bellowed", "yelped", "croaked",
"growled", "panted", "moaned",
"grunted", "laughed", "warbled",
"sighed", "ejaculated", "choked",
"stammered", "wheezed", "squealed",
"whimpered", "salivated", "tongued",
"cried", "screamed", "yelled",
"said",
};
private String the[] = {
"the",
};
private String fadj[] = {
"saucy", "wanton", "unfortunate",
"lust-crazed", "nine-year-old", "bull-dyke",
"bisexual", "gorgeous", "sweet",
"nymphomaniacal", "large-hipped", "freckled",
"forty-five year old", "white-haired", "large-boned",
"saintly", "blind", "bearded",
"blue-eyed", "large tongued", "friendly",
"piano playing", "ear licking", "doe eyed",
"sock sniffing", "lesbian", "hairy",
};
private String female[] = {
"baggage", "hussy", "woman",
"Duchess", "female impersonator", "nymphomaniac",
"virgin", "leather freak", "home-coming queen",
"defrocked nun", "bisexual budgie", "cheerleader",
"office secretary", "sexual deviate", "DARPA contract monitor",
"little matchgirl", "ceremonial penguin", "femme fatale",
"bosses' daughter", "construction worker", "sausage abuser",
"secretary", "Congressman's page", "grandmother",
"penguin", "German shepherd", "stewardess",
"waitress", "prostitute", "computer science group",
"housewife",
};
private String asthe[] = {
"as the",
};
private String madjec[] = {
"thrashing", "slurping", "insatiable",
"rabid", "satanic", "corpulent",
"nose-grooming", "tripe-fondling", "dribbling",
"spread-eagled", "orally fixated", "vile",
"awesomely endowed", "handsome", "mush-brained",
"tremendously hung", "three-legged", "pile-driving",
"cross-dressing", "gerbil buggering", "bung-hole stuffing",
"sphincter licking", "hair-pie chewing", "muff-diving",
"clam shucking", "egg-sucking", "bicycle seat sniffing",
};
private String male[] = {
"rakehell", "hunchback", "lecherous lickspittle",
"archduke", "midget", "hired hand",
"great Dane", "stallion", "donkey",
"electric eel", "paraplegic pothead", "dirty old man",
"faggot butler", "friar", "black-power advocate",
"follicle fetishist", "handsome priest", "chicken flicker",
"homosexual flamingo", "ex-celibate", "drug sucker",
"ex-woman", "construction worker", "hair dresser",
"dentist", "judge", "social worker",
};
private String diddled[] = {
"diddled", "devoured", "fondled",
"mouthed", "tongued", "lashed",
"tweaked", "violated", "defiled",
"irrigated", "penetrated", "ravished",
"hammered", "bit", "tongue slashed",
"sucked", "fucked", "rubbed",
"grudge fucked", "masturbated with", "slurped",
};
private String her[] = {
"her",
};
private String titadj[] = {
"alabaster", "pink-tipped", "creamy",
"rosebud", "moist", "throbbing",
"juicy", "heaving", "straining",
"mammoth", "succulent", "quivering",
"rosey", "globular", "varicose",
"jiggling", "bloody", "tilted",
"dribbling", "oozing", "firm",
"pendulous", "muscular", "bovine",
};
private String knockers[] = {
"globes", "melons", "mounds",
"buds", "paps", "chubbies",
"protuberances", "treasures", "buns",
"bung", "vestibule", "armpits",
"tits", "knockers", "elbows",
"eyes", "hooters", "jugs",
"lungs", "headlights", "disk drives",
"bumpers", "knees", "fried eggs",
"buttocks", "charlies", "ear lobes",
"bazooms", "mammaries",
};
private String and[] = {
"and",
};
private String thrust[] = {
"plunged", "thrust", "squeezed",
"pounded", "drove", "eased",
"slid", "hammered", "squished",
"crammed", "slammed", "reamed",
"rammed", "dipped", "inserted",
"plugged", "augured", "pushed",
"ripped", "forced", "wrenched",
};
private String his[] = {
"his",
};
private String dongadj[] = {
"bursting", "jutting", "glistening",
"Brobdingnagian", "prodigious", "purple",
"searing", "swollen", "rigid",
"rampaging", "warty", "steaming",
"gorged", "trunklike", "foaming",
"spouting", "swinish", "prosthetic",
"blue veined", "engorged", "horse like",
"throbbing", "humongous", "hole splitting",
"serpentine", "curved", "steel encased",
"glass encrusted", "knobby", "surgically altered",
"metal tipped", "open sored", "rapidly dwindling",
"swelling", "miniscule", "boney",
};
private String dong[] = {
"intruder", "prong", "stump",
"member", "meat loaf", "majesty",
"bowsprit", "earthmover", "jackhammer",
"ramrod", "cod", "jabber",
"gusher", "poker", "engine",
"brownie", "joy stick", "plunger",
"piston", "tool", "manhood",
"lollipop", "kidney prodder", "candlestick",
"John Thomas", "arm", "testicles",
"balls", "finger", "foot",
"tongue", "dick", "one-eyed wonder worm",
"canyon yodeler", "middle leg", "neck wrapper",
"stick shift", "dong", "Linda Lovelace choker",
};
private String intoher[] = {
"into her",
};
private String twatadj[] = {
"pulsing", "hungry", "hymeneal",
"palpitating", "gaping", "slavering",
"welcoming", "glutted", "gobbling",
"cobwebby", "ravenous", "slurping",
"glistening", "dripping", "scabiferous",
"porous", "soft-spoken", "pink",
"dusty", "tight", "odiferous",
"moist", "loose", "scarred",
"weapon-less", "banana stuffed", "tire tracked",
"mouse nibbled", "tightly tensed", "oft traveled",
"grateful", "festering",
};
private String twat[] = {
"swamp.", "honeypot.", "jam jar.",
"butterbox.", "furburger.", "cherry pie.",
"cush.", "slot.", "slit.",
"cockpit.", "damp.", "furrow.",
"sanctum sanctorum.", "bearded clam.", "continental divide.",
"paradise valley.", "red river valley.", "slot machine.",
"quim.", "palace.", "ass.",
"rose bud.", "throat.", "eye socket.",
"tenderness.", "inner ear.", "orifice.",
"appendix scar.", "wound.", "navel.",
"mouth.", "nose.", "cunt.",
};
private ArrayList list = new ArrayList(Arrays.asList(new String[][]{
faster, said,
the, fadj,
female, asthe,
madjec, male,
diddled, her,
titadj, knockers,
and, thrust,
his, dongadj,
dong, intoher,
twatadj, twat,
}));
private Random rand = new Random();
public Sex(){
}
public String getMadlib(){
StringBuilder build = new StringBuilder();
for(String[] st: list){
build.append(st[rand.nextInt(st.length)]);
build.append(" ");
}
return build.toString().trim();
}
}